so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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