I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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