Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I want her autograph on my taint
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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