When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
