The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
