we have pet lesbian snakes
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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