The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
