She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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