i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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