This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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