Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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