this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
