we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
