Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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