My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
