You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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