You're my little dorito
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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