Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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