ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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