ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
