i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
