sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
the raccoons are back...
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