i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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