I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
