just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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