Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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