Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
