Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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