I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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