I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
