i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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