So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
