What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
