Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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