She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
