woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
