Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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