why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
