gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
