The maid of honor just puked.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
