at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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