Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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