At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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