What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
