the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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