oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
