He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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