I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You can't motorboat a personality
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
