The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
