really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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