her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
