I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
