I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I love you.
Bad choice
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