Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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