brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
from now on my penis is your penis
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
