She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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