just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You took a bar mat shot.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
