The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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