haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
