she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
