I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
