Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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