I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
