You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
