You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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