I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
