So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
