I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
