Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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